If You Could Party With One Team Throughout Sports History, Who Would You Pick? JB Smoove Answers The Internet

KFC 7/2/2019 9:00 PM

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My man 50 grand! Its JB Smoove in the motherfuckin building! Easily the swaggiest of all ATI Participants. White on white with the hat and the chain, good golly Miss Molly! Looking fresh as fuck and bringing the energy with those questions. Doin the Running Man on camera and shit. Thats the kinda energy we need, JB! We did a couple questions today that are worthy of getting the blog feature. For instance, if you were in a beauty pageant, what would your talent be? Mine would be I have the uncanny ability to detect whether a porn is foreign or domestic before they’ve even said a single word. And I’m not talking about when its some blatantly obvious horrific German shit. I’m talking about the first few seconds of a normal porn, I can just tell by the sight and the feel if I’m about to watch an American girl fuck her landlord for rent money, or a Romanian. What can I say? Its like a gift.

We also did – if you could build your dick from scratch, but every inch you gave yourself took 2 years off your life, how big are you making it? Now, me? I don’t think I have very long on this planet. I’m not gonna be one of these guys that lives till hes 90. So if youre starting at like, lets say 70 at the most, cutting off even 10 years is pretty shitty, you know? Dying at 60 sucks. But, I also would live those 60 years to the fullest if I had a perfect hammer on me. I dont think I’d go crazy with the inches even if I didnt have the age restriction. I dont want a dick that cant go in certain places or reach certain depths. So I think I’d just boost myself up an inch and give myself a 7 incher. Cut 14 years off my life and hope to God I was originally slated to hit 75 and that way I dont die in my 50s.

Boost myself up 2 inches, who am I kidding?

But lastly, and the one I think is something every guy has thought about, is which pro sports team would you wanna party with? SO many good answers. The 86 Mets is always my first thought, obviously. But to be honest that gang scares me. NYC in the 80s was a rough fucking scene and I’m not into blow so I feel like I’d stick out like a big loser with Darryl, Doc and the boys. Showtime Lakers went HARD but so did AIDS. The 90s Cowboys were undoubtedly a scene but something tells me you’d end up in jail. JB answered the Joe Namath Jets which honestly is a great answer. I know most people dont think of the Jets when you ask a question about all time great teams in history, but the Broadway Joe Jets are probably a great fucking time. Late 60s, everyone is happy, feeling good. Free love. Life post invention of birth control but pre AIDS epidemic was a fucking TIME, man. All with a fur coat? Oh hell yea. Sign me up.

To be honest I probably fit in with the Tim Duncan Spurs the best. Just sit on the couch drinking wine with Tim and Manu while Tony Parker fucks his teammates wife. Enough salacious shit goin on for a good story but nothing too crazy so I wouldnt be hungover.

Who you got? 7th floor crew at The U? David Wells and Wade Boggs Yankees? Lots of good choices out there.

Also check out previous ATI with Gabriel Iglesias. For everyone whos into youtube or just internet nerd stuff in general, the Gabriel Answer The Internet got yoinked into the Youtube Algorithm for some reason and popped overnight with views. Which is basically my new drug. As of like Sunday this had like 100,000 views, and then something happened, the right amount of people watched it for the right length of time, and it just exploded. Up close to 400K views and it all happens for some unknown reason. Like a goddam drug for me.